Alcorn Mcbride V16Pro, Руководство пользователя

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Welcome Page 10
Important Information
Congratulations! You have purchased an extremely fine product that would give you thousands of years of
trouble-free service, except that you undoubtedly will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer
maneuver. This is why we ask you to:
Please for God's sake read this manual carefully before you unpack the product.
You already unpacked it, didn't you? You unpacked it and plugged it in and turned it on and randomly
punched the buttons, and now your tech, the same tech who only has a fleeting understanding of the
difference between 24VDC and 240VAC, this tech is also punching the buttons with his screw driver even
as you read this, right? We might as well just break these products right at the factory before we ship them
out, you know that?!?
We're sorry. We just get a little crazy sometimes because we're always getting back "defective"
merchandise where it turns out that the consumer inadvertently bathed the product in battery acid for six
days. So, in writing these instructions, we naturally tend to assume that your skull is filled with dead
insects, but we mean nothing by it. OK?
But we digress...
Thank you for purchasing this wonderful product. It will serve you for its entire lifetime, however long that
may be. Since no one ever reads this section of the manual, we’re going to take this opportunity to get a
few things off our collective chests and out of our collective drawers, as it were.
As always, we welcome calls to our technical support department. Unlike many companies, our technical
support personnel all speak at least one language. That’s in addition to any talking they do to themselves.
And they’re not located in some far off backwater, but right near our engineering staff. In fact, according to
their probation officers, they’ll be here quite a while. This is more than I can say for our tools, which have
been disappearing at an alarming rate.
Speaking of engineers, did you know that you’re always welcome to speak directly to the engineer who
designed your product? It’s where they get most of their ideas, because Lord knows they don’t come up
with much on their own.
Of course, the people you really want to speak to are our sales department, because once you experience
the orgasmic joy of owning this product, you’re going to want lots, lots more of them. And there’s no group
better at dispensing orgasmic joy than our sales staff. And if you believe that, you’ve obviously never met
them.
While I’m on the subject of that plastic sheeting your product came wrapped in (and potential uses for
same), here’s a friendly reminder to dispose of all packing materials in an environmentally friendly (and
hygienic) manner. Also, please inspect all packaging carefully before discarding it, as we’re still looking
for Quality Assurance Manager Shirley Peltwater’s prosthetic toe.
Finally, we’d like to once again thank you for purchasing this spectacular product. You have no idea how
much we depend on our design challenges to reduce the amount of time we spend surfing the web for
pictures of… oh my God, is that our sales staff?!