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Q: My QiQuac is on fire, is that normal? A:
It’s perfectly normal for the QiQuac to catch fire from time to time. Simply
remove all flammable material from its perimeter, grab a guitar, and roast some
marshmallows.
Q: I get shocked every time I touch
the QiQuac, am I doing something
wrong?
A:
The QiQuac generates a powerful EMF or Electromagnetic Field. Keep cell
phones, laptops, pacemakers, radios, or any other electronic device at least
20ft away. Ensure you are well grounded before operating the QiQuac as it can
build up >10,000V over the course of a measurement. Do NOT use the QiQuac
around water.
Q: My QiQuac just told me to Quack off!,
should I be concerned?
A:
Absolutely not. Each QiQuac has a “Drunken Sailor Processor” or DSP which
randomly generates cuss phrases and slurs when the mood arises. Consider it
character!
Q: The QiQuac Manual makes no
sense and appears to be randomly
organized. Who wrote this sh**?!?
A:
We get this one a lot. The Manual was actually written in English by Fathom
Scientific Ltd, then passed through 5 language translations: Nepalese, German,
French, Spanish and Dutch before retranslating to English. And yes, you nailed
it, the organization IS random. P.S. Please refrain from profanity.
Q: The QiQuac asked me for my credit
card number, and I just found out my
card has been drained. What gives?
A:
Hah, that little trickster. This is to be expected. The QiQuac has a history of
this kind of shenanigans. Best to just leave it be and hope he gives the money
back.
Q: Why are there no real Questions in
this FAQ?
A:
We’ve often found, in this manual as well as in life, that taking time to laugh
is more valuable than getting actual work done. We think that QiQuac custom-
ers will feel the same way. If not, maybe they should buy a Sommer.
Q: I just fell in the river with the QiQuac
and my lunch, I’m soaking wet and
waiting for the helicopter.
A:
Sorry, is there a question there? Sounds like you’re feeling pretty low. Cheer
up! The QiQuac is IP67 waterproof so that’s not a problem. You live and work
in the most beautiful place in the world, and food ALWAYS tastes better if you
have to wait for it.
Q: This QiQuac is pretty tricky to use, why
not just make a tablet or phone app?
A:
I was going to say something about “craftsmanship” and “tactile interaction”
and “good ol’ days”, but you’re probably right. We’ll work on it.
Q: Wow, this manual is a real tome.
Don’t you just throw salt in and
measure the conductivity? Why all
the mumbo-jumbo
A:
Wow, ok, so we’re using words like tome. Ok. To answer your question, “Yes”
you could just throw in a tonne of salt, but the little critters you’re throwing it
on and the ecosystem you’re accumulating the salt in wouldn’t appreciate it.
We’ve found careful consideration of sources of error and Signal to Noise Ratio
the best approach to reduce environmental load AND reduce uncertainty. So
put that in your tome and smoke it.
Q: That doesn’t make any sense, I can’t
smoke something in a tome.
A:
(Security, we have a situation in the Q&A section) Next Question.
Q: I love these Fathom T-Shirts, where
can I get one?
A:
Buy a QiQuac! Or AutoSalt!
