This cantankerous
contestant’s
extremities were
stolen by a good-
luck–charm factory,
and he just can’t
seem to stop
grumbling about it!
Put your bandaged
stumps together
for ...
LUCKY!
Though this
unassuming
contestant is
clearly a fl ightless
waterfowl, he has
recurring fantasies
in which he imagines
himself to be a
merciless bird of
prey. Flap your
useless fl ippers
for ...
EUGENE!
This contestant
mumbles
incoherently and
stinks like a sewer,
but what our little
orange omnivore
lacks in mind and
body he makes up
for in ravenous
appetite. Let’s have
a heaping helping of
applause for ...
TOOF!
This tantalizing
contestant won’t
let anything, not
even clothing, stand
in the way of her
winning The Prize!
Put your sweaty
palms together for ...
LUCY!
The ladies are
gonna love this
contestant...almost
as much as he loves
himself! Flex your
undersized pecs
for ...
LANCE!
Our next contestant
is pathologically
attracted to shiny
objects (and she
hasn’t ruled out the
dull ones, either).
What’s yours is hers,
so please give up
your belongings to ...
CHARITY!
Some would call our
next contestant a
bit laid-back. I like to
think of him as quite
possibly brain-dead!
Let’s have a rousing
round of applause to
wake up ...
OTTO!
“Go stuff a
tube sock in yer
jabbering gob,
ya maggot!”
“It’s really great
to be here, eh?
(
Yeah, great!
I don’t stand a
freakin’ chance!
)”
“Mfffrglorp!
Jheeshpf!
Errrbfft!”
“Is that a
controller in your
hand or are you
just happy to
see me?”
“The ladies call me
The
Loin
King.
Heh heh ...
get it?”
“I want the
shiny Prize!
It’s MINE!”
“Hey man, quit
hogging the
blanket!”
You’ll have to hold your horses for now, because it’s time to introduce ...
The Seven Contestants!
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